O HAI! This is mah sticky post, and if you found this journal, you must be looking for some fic to read. :D

FOLLOW THE CUTS AND I'LL TAKE YOU PLACES, BABY! ... okay, so that was completely unnecessary.

( Introduction of the Sensei )


( Master-List By Fandom )

Title: Too Well Do I Know, My Friend
Characters: Lancelot, Merlin, implied Merlin/Arthur and Lancelot/Gwen
Rating: G
Spoilers: For episode 2x04, Lancelot and Guinivere
Summary: Merlin and Lancelot understand one another better than they think.

A/N: This is a tiny little snippet of a deleted scene that I wrote partially because I was unsatisfied with how easily Lancelot left and partially because I didn't want the Lancelot/Merlin bromance to end. It was just too fab. First Merlin fic I've written. New fandoms keep eating my face. Grah.

Excerpt:
"Protecting those you love is not always easy," Lancelot says. "Sometimes, you must do what you believe to be right, even if it means taking a decision out of their hands. Even if that decision is one that some would consider rightfully theirs to make."


( Too Well Do I Know, My Friend )

Title: Three Strikes, You're Out
Characters: Andy, Oscar, brief mention of Jim, Pam, Kevin, Phyllis. Oscar/Andy.
Rating: PG-13 for teh swearz
Spoilers: For episode 6x01, Gossip
Beta'd: By the sis smarmyelf and the fab neonnchrome1123
Summary: Andy has an attack of masculine insecurity and recovers. Oscar thinks the whole situation is ridiculous.
A/N: Sequel to Getting All Your Bases Covered, so you should probably read that first. Otherwise none of this is gonna make any sense. And since I feel that these two stories are probably going to explode into MORE, against my better judgment, we'll name this 'verse The Mudville 'Verse, as per the punny baseball-reference titles. Don't know how that happened. I don't even LIKE baseball. Honestly.
Excerpt:

"Yessirree, Andy Bernard is moving forward," Andy says to the camera. "I've got not only a new understanding of myself, but a whole new pool of fishing to explore. And let me tell you, despite a few jitters that come with dangling a new kind of bait, Andy Bernard is an angler who is more than capable of capturing even the most elusive rainbow trout, even if he has to drag it into the boat and whack it several times in the head with his dad's baseball bat."

( Three Strikes, You're Out )

Title: Getting All Your Bases Covered
Characters: Andy, Oscar, brief mention of Creed, Meredith, Kevin. Oscar/Andy.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: For episode 6x01, Gossip
Beta'd: By the lovely werkelijkheid90 and also some help from the little sister, smarmyelf
Summary: Andy thinks he's got it all figured out. Oscar disagrees.
A/N: C'moooon, after Gossip, how could I not? I expect to see more of these reaction/episode tags. Hopefully. But this is just my take on it. Also, this is my first foray into Office fanfiction. Lemme know how I did. :D
Excerpt:
Andy's brow furrows.

"It all seems waaaay too complicated."

"Not really. It's no different to feeling straight. Who you're attracted to is different, not the feeling of attraction itself. I think you're just making it too complicated."

"Oooo, touché, bro," Andy says. "You're like a... a gay Yoda, or something."

Oscar wonders why Andy seems to think Oscar is a sage of homosexual wisdom when he's really just a man who remained primarily closeted for the vast majority of his adult life.





( Getting All Your Bases Covered )

Title: Wook at his widdle faaaaaace!
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Ten
Rating: G
Summary: So I've reached new heights of lame and done fanart for my own fanfic. But I couldn't NOT. Because the image of Ten inspecting an alien rabbit, the look of unmitigated glee on his face- it just wouldn't leave my head. Ianto and Jack are kind of superfluous to this picture, really, so I've given a version with them cropped out. Besides, I made Ianto looking CONCERNED, when he really wasn't in the fic, and I made Jack looking entirely too smug, when HE was the one worried... *sigh* Those two just can't keep it together in the move from writing to image. Oh, well.

Also, I attempted a background in this for the fist time in... I don't know how long. And in doing so, I reminded myself why I usually don't bother with backgrounds. That's an alien bush and an alien tree on the right. Really.

( Wook at his widdle faaaaaace! )

Title: What's Up, Doc?
Characters: Jack, Ianto, Ten, little bit of Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG
Warnings: Reference to the Stolen Earth and spoilers through season 2 of Torchwood, season 4 of Doctor Who (just to be safe)
Beta'd: By several friends in bits and pieces.
Summary: Once again, I fail at writing Revelations. This was a (belated) birthday gift for the wonderful pintsizeninja , who requested Jack, Ianto, Ten, shenanigans, and bunnies. Needless to say, it got a bit cracky. But I'm rather pleased with the result. What with my recent drawing of Crystal the Ironically Crystal Bunny, you'd think I was on a rabbit kick. *shrugs* Maybe I am.
Excerpt:

"There is absolutely no way I'm going to believe that that is a rabbit," Ianto states resolutely.

The Doctor makes a mock strangled and offended noise at Ianto's disbelief before he grins.

"Of course he's a rabbit!" he says. "Well, I suppose that technically he's a very distant alien cousin of lepus insularis thousands of years in the future with some prolonged exposure to irradiated carotene thrown in, but still," the Doctor flails his hands with finality, "he's 100 percent fluffy bun-bun by whatever measurement of rabbitness you should choose to give him."

( What's Up, Doc? ) 

Disclaimer: It's possible I may get yelled at for this. Just keep in mind that these two little art pieces are done in the spirit of playful ribbing, good fun, and crackyness. If you are easily offended or are a member of the all-holy church of Political Correctness, you may just want to skip out on this one. Additionally, I haven't done fan art since my House wut_teh_fakk days (see masterlist) so my drawing skills are crappier than they ever were. I stopped trying to make Ianto look like the same person after the second panel.

Title: Anguished Glomp!
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG for mention of suicide
Description: Dialogue taken (word-for-word, punctuation and all)  from the climactic final scene of a fic I found on the internet that utilizes one of the *cough* Torchwood fandom cliches rather heavy-handedly. At this scene in the fic, Ianto has been beaten by Lisa's father and his friends for letting Lisa die, rendering Ianto crippled for life. I wasn't sure if the author would want me to link to her fic or not... I will attempt to contact her and ask, but if anyone knows this fic, or knows the author and thinks I should link back, let me know and I will be more than happy to do so.

( Anguished Glomp! )

Title: Crystal the Ironically Crystal Rabbit
Pairing: None? Slight Ianto/Crystal, Ianto/Myfanwy pet-love?
Rating: G
Description: Letter to Gwen and description of Crystal (Ianto's pet rabbit) taken from same fic. Same offer to link back, if desired.

( Crystal the Ironically Crystal Rabbit )

Title: Give Me Pain if That's What's Real
Part: 2/2
Pairing: Jack/Ianto primarily, mention of Jack/OCs
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Post Season 3 Spoilers
Beta'd: By the glorious pintsizeninja 
Summary: I know I should be working on Revelations. However, first I had to exorcise the demon of CoE, and man, what a bitch of a demon it was. Ambiguous-fix!it fic. Title and some inspiration taken from Next to Normal. Remember Head!Six from Battlestar Galactica? Yeah, it's kind of like that.


( Part 2 )

Title: Give Me Pain if That's What's Real
Part: 1/2
Pairing: Jack/Ianto primarily, mention of Jack/OCs
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Post Season 3 Spoilers
Beta'd: By the glorious pintsizeninja 
Summary: I know I should be working on Revelations. However, first I had to exorcise the demon of CoE, and man, what a bitch of a demon it was. Ambiguous-fix!it fic. Title and some inspiration taken from Next to Normal. Remember Head!Six from Battlestar Galactica? Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Excerpt:
"You're overlooking something there," Ianto says.

"And what would that be?" Jack asks.

Ianto remains silent. He simply gives Jack a bored stare while lifting his hands and wiggling his fingers exaggeratedly. Jack's eyebrows rise to meet his hairline.

"I'll ignore that you just did jazz hands in my face," Jack says, "if only to point out that you seem to be overlooking the fact that you're not real."

"I can touch you, can't I?"

"Well, that only makes sense. I'm the one who's gone crazy, after all."

"Obviously."

( Part 1 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 8 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which Ianto Acts Strangely at the Supermarket, Jack Just Can't Figure the Rift Out, and Someone Else Drops in Unexpectedly.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating for this part: NC-17
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst, Tortured!Ianto
Excerpt:
They've just finished unloading the SUV when Ianto enters the Hub. Gwen immediately pounces, radioing for Martha and slapping the back of her hand to his forehead.

"No fever, then. What were you going on about?" she asks, voice full of worry. "Honestly, Ianto, you've got me creating scenarios in my head about alien possession, mind-control devices, and...and... food-poisoning."

"It's strangely disconcerting to know that food-poisoning was last on the list," Ianto says.

( Part 8 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 7.5 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which an Old "Friend" Screws Things Up, Angry Sex Is Had, and There Are Robot Hippie Turtles
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst, Tortured!Ianto
Excerpt:
John does have a twisted sense of honor. However, most of what he does is strongly motivated by one of three different things: Self-preservation, greed, or boredom. What he's about to do tonight will satisfy the first and third categories, with the additional little bonus prize of pissing off one of his ex-boyfriends.


( Part 7.5 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 7 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which an Old "Friend" Screws Things Up, Angry Sex Is Had, and There Are Robot Hippie Turtles
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: PG-13 this part
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst, Tortured!Ianto
Excerpt:
Ianto suddenly finds himself the subject of five shocked and confused stares. John Hart is the first to recover.

"I do hope this goes where I think it's going."

"Hardly," Ianto scoffs. "Any man who carries more than three weapons at once is obviously compensating for something."


( Part 7 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 6 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which Mickey Drops the Metaphorical Ball in an Ironically Literal Fashion, and Jack Thought About Wearing a Nurse's Outfit but Didn't.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: R for nakedness
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst, Tortured!Ianto
Excerpt:
"...You don't like me very much, do you?" Mickey asks sorrowfully.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Ianto responds, incredulous. "Are you thirteen years old?"

"See? That's what I mean!" Mickey accuses, probably complete with a finger point despite the darkness. Ianto sighs.

"Mickey, I am tired, I am nauseous, and I'm trapped in an isolation room that was last used when some bloke was slowly reverting back into the gelatinous, sentient blob of lustful goo that his species becomes when they go into heat," Ianto explains. "I'm trying not to think about all those things. I'm trying not to think about the vomit in the greenhouse that they've undoubtedly left for me to clean up when I finally get out of here, I'm trying not to think about how the itching sensation from this IV is driving me crazy, and I haven't had a bloody cup of coffee in over 48 hours. If I didn't like you, I'd be smothering you with a pillow right now."



( Part 6 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 5.5 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which Ianto Has a Rather Confrontational Chat with Jack and an Exorbitant Amount of Make-Up Sex is Had.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: NC-17...very much so. Graphically. ^_^;
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst, Tortured!Ianto
Excerpt:
"I take it the others have left," Jack begins, trying to instill his voice with confidence, getting himself ready for the conversation they're undoubtedly about to have. He shuffles the pages on his desk around like he's looking for some specific piece of information.

"Yes, sir," Ianto says. He places the cup of coffee at Jack's elbow and gives out an inaudible sigh when Jack only raises his eyes to the level of Ianto's chest. "If you don't need anything else, I thought perhaps you might want to discuss why you seem to find my tie so interesting."


( Part 5.5 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 5 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which We Finally Have a Crisis of the Alien Variety, Ianto is a Bad-Ass, and Jack is a Twat.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Rhys/Gwen, mention of Tom/Martha, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness.
Rating: R for this part of the chapter
Excerpt:
It's always bloody huge warehouses and underground labyrinths with aliens, isn't it? Couldn't one of them pick a nice, small, summer cottage to set up base in and drag their victims to? But no. They always have to choose the most ominous, dark, large, overly dramatic structure within a twenty kilometre radius.

Tossers.


( Part 5 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 4 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which Gwen is Nosy, Jack is Protective, and Ianto Acknowledges Allegations of Change.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Rhys/Gwen, mention of Tom/Martha, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness.
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter, NC-17 overall
Excerpt:

"Are you actually waiting for me to invite you in? Funny; you never have before,"  Jack says. Gwen smiles slightly and walks in to sit in the chair opposite his desk.

"Just wanted to make sure I wasn't interruptin'."

"The day I don't welcome an interruption from paperwork is the day Ianto starts buying Folgers coffee grounds, Martha starts wearing skirts to work, and you start telling me it's okay if I want to test the new alien artifact on unsuspecting school children. What's up?"

( Part 4 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 3 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: In Which Venice is Left Behind, Jack and Ianto Have Inappropriate Relations on a Desk, and Cigarettes Are Smoked.
Pairing: Janto, mention of Rhys/Gwen, mention of Tom/Martha, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness.
Rating: NC-17 O__O
Excerpt:

"How was Venice?" Jack hedges, moving to a safer topic.

"It was...nice. Interesting."

"That's it? That's the best description you've got?" Jack teases. This is the Ianto he knows.

"What do you want me to say? Dazzling? Life-changing? Incredible? Beautiful? Amazing? I know a lot of adjectives. We could be here until the sun comes up."

( Part 3 )

Title: Revelations
Part: 2 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: Chapter 1- In Which There is Martha, Scotch, Drunken Confessions, and Venice
Pairing: Janto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: PG for this one- NC-17 for later chapters
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst
Excerpt:

“I got that,” Jack says, ignoring the lifted eyebrow Ianto shoots at Martha and the snort of laughter she stifles. The two have been thick as thieves ever since the good doctor finally left UNIT. Jones and Jones… it has a kind of mirror-like poetry to it. “What I don’t get is why you two requested at the same time. Anything going on I should know about?” His lips spread into a lascivious smile. It’s certainly a pretty thought.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re thinking about something to do with ropes, cameras, and threesomes?” Ianto asks, leaning back in his chair.

( Part 2 )

Title: Revelations
Chapter: 1 of 10-ish...
Chapter Title: Prologue- In Which Ianto Realizes He Has a Rather Unhealthy Level of Dependence Upon a Certain Captain Jack Harkness
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, mention of Gwen/Rhys, mention of Martha/Tom, Ianto/Martha fag-hag fabulousness
Rating: PG for this one- NC-17 for later chapters
Warnings: Post Season 2 Spoilers, General Angst
Excerpt:
“Good.” Jack says it in a way that makes Ianto think perhaps it’s not ‘good’ at all. “Now maybe you can tell me… what the hell was that?!” He’s quietly furious, eyes flashing, jaw clenched. Ianto drifts off for a moment as his sight traces the line of muscles and tendons standing in tense relief on Jack’s neck.

"I…” he finally begins haltingly, realizing Jack is waiting for an answer. “I’m not quite sure… what you mean. I’ve just woken up in a hospital bed, apparently from some sort of traumatic incident…” It’s hard to put the normal amount of cheek into his voice, to keep the string of words straight in his mind, but he manages. “You’ll have to forgive me if I’ve lost the thread of a conversation that seems to have started before I got here.”




( Part 1 )

In the run up to series 3, the BBC released 3 Torchwood radio plays. The first one, Asylum, was.... underwhelming. However, I had great hope for Golden Age, as it was written by James Goss, the man who wrote the tie-in novel Almost Perfect. For those of you who haven't read Almost Perfect, just trust me when I say it was full of so much fabulous that when you're done reading the book, you find you've somehow become covered in glitter. So, naturally, your expectations of fabulous for anything that he writes should be high.

James Goss, I would like to take this moment to formally let you know that following my listening to Golden Age, I have decided that you are one of the most fierce people who ever lived, and that you and I should go dancing at the gay clubs together, possibly shoe shopping on the weekends. In short, sir, I am in big gay love with you. 

Here's the synopsis of Golden Age as given by the BBC website:

The Torchwood team are led to Delhi on the trail of a dangerous energy field. As the field grows, they witness the simultaneous disappearance of hundreds of people. Jack discovers that the field centres on an old colonial mansion, Torchwood India.

Shocked to find that Torchwood India is still going strong after he shut it down himself over 80 years ago, he is even more surprised to find that its members, including his old flame the Duchess, haven't aged a day.

Needless to say, with THAT summary, I had pretty high expectations. And the actual radio play met and exceeded almost every expectation of fabulous that I had.

( Rest of meta under the cut )